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Tuesday, 30 June 2009

  • I guess sometimes that really is just the way it goes ...

    It's subdued in nature, yet a fire burns ... hot only to the eye that catches the flicker of the flame.

    Cold, calculated, unrelenting;  bitch. I laid down in these words and they enveloped me. I am phlegmatic, and I am "dead to her."

    I miss that carefree child; lying in the grass breathing the smog-filled air, never once relating the density of the breath taken to our economic disparities.

    Somewhere, some way ... she sits; awaiting peacefully the impending veracity of suspicion lying beneath her tainted tongue and weakened mind; it will only complicate, it will only confuse and the light of optimism will only dance softly behind the shadowy image of what has been invoked.

    Where did it all go?

    ©Renee Servana/MidnightParadox

     

    "I am just a worthless liar, I am just an imbecile; I will only complicate you, trust in me and you'll fall as well. I will find the center in you, I will chew it up and leave ..." Tool

     

    Currently
    The Bird of Music
    By Au Revoir Simone
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Monday, 29 December 2008

  • oh well

    I've never believed in 'I don't know' and 'oh well' but it was almost a perpensity to say those things around matters concerning her.

    She lit the fire and then blew it out ...

    ... I don't know.

    Oh well.

    This is me rambling:

    You know when someone tells you something early on, and they make it seem as though it was just a passing thought, a ripple in their brain; somehow not far down the road that ripple has taken shape only to leave them acting as though it just happened.  That 'happening' escalates into something of your fault-you drove them, you pushed them, you angered them, so they say. 

    The funny thing is, I've experienced a lot; probably more than I should, so this conversation isn't new.  It has that old familiarity about it. That smell or taste that takes you back to a moment, like a childhood memory you thought you had misplaced and forgotten.

    The conversation is maddening. You recall saying those exact words to someone to save face, to cover your ass. You recall someone other than you grasping at any type of complete sentence to articulate that same argument.

    You knew it all before they even spit it out-you caught it in the air long ago. And yet people think, they fucking think they're unique to the situation, to your emotions, to your actions. I've sought out unique, only to come up with similarity plagued by the same checkerboard pattern over and over again.

    I've flatlined.

    And damn does it feel good.

    I wonder if after all the arguing with one, all the spontaneity with another, all the business mixed with some enjoyment whether or not I am still capable of having a intelligent conversation with someone who I would consider a stranger.

    People do come and go, yes. The ones who go can be surprising.

     

     

    "You are a china shop, and I am a bull, you are really good food and I am full. I guess everything is timing, I guess everythings been said, so I'm coming home with an empty head." Ani

    Currently
    Red Letter Year
    By Ani DiFranco
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Friday, 07 November 2008

  • Ethereal addiction

    fatalistically transcending upon my

    implacable existance

    I took heed.

    You were insuperable

    An unyieldingly relentless

    Ingenue.

    Broken down and powerless

    I looked to egress.

    ©Renee Servana/MidnightParadox

    Have you ever felt so fucking suffocated by someone, it impairs even the slightest of judgement ...

    "Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at.
    But now we'll never know, I won't be sad But in case I'll go there Everyday, to make myself feel bad
    There's a chance that I'll start to wonder if this was the thing to do." - Tegan and Sara

    A new beginning is abound.

     

    Currently Listening
    Through the Looking Glass
    By Siouxsie and the Banshees
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Wednesday, 30 July 2008

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

  • This was the moment I stepped on the dawn of a day set a-blaze by a fiery awakening of ....

    blind recognition

                                            and

    thoughtless reproach.

     

    This was the moment I sat motionlessly dazed

    obscure

    mindless

    incoherent

     

    This was the moment I missed her

                                          And forgot who I was missing.

     

    This was the moment I

    faced

    turned away

    ran like hell

    and walked back.

     

    This was the moment I

    succeeded

                                                followed by

    a succession of

    selfishness

    insanity

                                                         a light wind of normalcy.

    It breathes easy.

     

    I revel if only this was the moment a moment didn't matter and the day flowed sweetly and whispered softly.

     

    This was the moment I was incapsulated by an iridescence of change ...

     

    ©Renee Servana/MidnightParadox

     

     

     

     

     

    Currently Listening
    Santogold
    By Santogold
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